I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
do herpes really smell.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
