Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
