ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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