I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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