just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
