Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
