He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
