Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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