I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
