Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
