Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
