Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
