I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
