sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
