Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
