You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
