Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
