I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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