Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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