just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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