I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
