atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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