Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
