i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
