i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
