Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
