You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
