dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
