tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
