I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
