he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
