Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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