Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
