dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
