Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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