He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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