38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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