Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
