You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
do nipples grow back?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
