I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's rum buckets o'clock
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
