ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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