ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pants are for mortals
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
