I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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