even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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