I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
