we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Someone signed my nipple.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
