Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
