I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Damn victory sex feels great
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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