i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
