Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
